Heartbeat
by Timetodance0110
Summary: Remus and his best friend James work at the luxurious Black Tower Hotel, and his life is ordinary as anything. But one night, at a work-do, he meets his boss, the famous, perhaps infamous, Sirius Black. It is a meeting that will turn his life upside down.
1. Chapter 1

**Meeting Mister Black**

* * *

"I am Sirius. Sirius Black."

"I know who you are…"

"What's your name then?"

"Remus… Lupin."

"So Remus… Lupin, may I get you a drink?"

* * *

Today started out like any other day. It was the alarm clock that woke me up, the sound of that bloody owl. Katherine picked it out. She thought it was hilarious, she did. I then had breakfast with her, tea and toast. A shower, then off to work.

Back when I had met Katherine, I had been planning on becoming a lawyer. But that all went to shit when I got into a bad car accident and had to learn how to read and write again. My brain had gotten scrambled in the accident, and it's a miracle I'm still here. I'm happy and grateful and all that, but I'm now stuck cleaning hotel rooms at the Black Tower Hotel. Let me tell you, cleaning other people's shit hadn't exactly been my dream job. But hey, it makes a living. And there are worse places to work than the Black Tower Hotel. It is after all, the most expensive hotel in the country, the original hotel started by some rich bloke nearly a hundred years ago. He had left it to his son, who then had left it to his son, who had managed to build more Black Hotels. But it's the Black Tower Hotel, the original one, that you will have heard of. It really is as luxurious as they say, so like I said, there are worse places to work.

"You coming to the party then?" James had asked me, just as I was getting into the workroom. Let me tell you, the hotel is as fancy as anything, but the workroom is the one room at the hotel that looks like it belongs in a one-star hostel. The smell alone, it makes me want to run and never come back. After all, there are no paying guests who will see it, so why bother looking after it? Bastards.

"I don't think so, today was one of those days," I answered, as I started getting out of my work clothes.

"Shit? Blood?"

"Both. And worse. Let me tell you, the richer, the filthier they are.

"You're only figuring that out now?" James laughed, and I turned to face him. He had only been working at the Black Tower Hotel for about a month when I had gotten this job, so as we were the two new guys, we had stuck together. And we're still stuck together, nearly two years later. "Come on, man, don't make me go out there on my own."

"Then don't go."

"But Lily will be there. Tonight is the night. I can feel it in my gut," he said, a serious look on his face, and I couldn't help but laugh. He had fallen in love with Lily the minute he had met her, over a year ago, back when she had started working at the Hotel Bar. But he hadn't had the guts to ask her out.

"Fine, I'll go with you. But the minute you ditch me for her, I'm going home."

"Deal," he laughed, and I shook my head, as I got my suit out of my locker, and continued to get changed. We are only allowed to come in and out of the hotel wearing a suit, only to go upstairs, and get changed into our work clothes. It's all about the image. God forbid, a guest sees one of us in jeans and a t-shirt.

* * *

"Mister Black himself will be there as well," James told me, as we made our way downstairs. The man who had created Black Tower Hotel, had passed away, and had left the hotel to his son, who had eventually left it to his own son, who had run the hotel for years, and who had managed to turn it into a chain, make their name a brand known all over the world. But just over two years ago, he had decided to call it quits, and he had left it all to his son. There had been quite a bit of fuss about it, because the youngest Black had only been in his mid-twenties, and he had, up until then, only ever been in the papers and the magazines, because of his behaviour. The parties, the girls, the drinking. Sirius Black was known for his partying, not for being responsible enough to run the Black emporium. Everyone had been sure of it, he would drive it into the ground within months. But now, just over two years later, they are making more money than ever, so I suppose he can't be that bad.

"Have you ever met him?" I had asked James, but I already knew the answer. None of us had ever met him. He was only ever seen at the hotel when there was an event, a party, a special guest. Not to speak to his employees. He has people to do that for him.

"As if. Tonight will be the night, though. I feel it in my gut."

"Wow, you do feel a lot about tonight, don't you?"

"Tonight is just going to be special. I can feel it…"

"In your gut?"

"Exactly."

* * *

James had run off to go and flirt with Lily, only minutes after we had arrived at this work-do, and all I had wanted to do was go home. But something had drawn me to the bar, and I had decided to stay for just one more drink. People were already getting drunk, and clinging onto each other, dancing, laughing, making out. That's what these work-do's are like. We all get fucked, in more ways than one, and the next day, we all act like nothing happened. Until the next work-do. Not me. Not this time. One more drink, and I was going to go home. Back to Katherine.

"Can I get a non-alcoholic beer?" I had asked the girl behind the bar. She had looked at me as though I had asked for a blood and vomit-cocktail. But eventually she had gotten one for me.

"You don't drink?" I heard someone ask, so I turned around, only to see a face that I, up until that moment, had only ever seen in the papers.

"I ehm… I still have to drive," I stuttered, nearly knocking over my drink, trying to pick it up.

"I see. I am Sirius. Sirius Black."

"I know who you are…"

"What's your name then?"

"Remus… Lupin," I managed to say, still flushed and embarrassed. Actual Sirius Black. My boss. The owner of this hotel. Sirius Black.

"So Remus… Lupin, may I get you a drink?"

* * *

"I've got one," I say, as I show him my non-alcoholic beer.

"An actual drink," he laughs, flashing a smile that makes him look somewhat arrogant. I don't think he's trying to be arrogant though. Or is he? Why do I even care? He won't remember me in five minutes, when he's off to the next person, getting them a drink, to show them what a great boss he really is. "We've got taxi's waiting for all of you, to make sure you all get home safe."

"You do?"

"Yeah." He flashes a smile, and before I know it, I've returned it. "So, what will it be?"

"Ehm…"

"Wait here for just one second," he says, and he leaves and walks off. That was that then, so much for being a great boss. Ditching me before getting me that drink. It's free, so I can get it myself, but that's not the point, is it? Bastard.

I'm about to leave, when I feel a hand on my lower back. So I turn around, and see mister Black, flashing a smile, while holding out a bright-coloured drink.

"Special recipe, I had to get it made," he says, as he takes his hand off my back, and hands me the drink. He picks up his own from the bar, and takes a sip. It is far too bright for my liking, and it looks like something Katherine and her friends would drink. But I don't want to offend my boss, so I take a sip. And it's strong. Really strong. But great.

"Wow," I laugh, and for just a second, I detect a shy look on mister Black's face. "Is this your recipe then?"

"It is. Mixing cocktails, it's a bit of a hobby of mine. I'm glad you like it."

"I do," I admit, and I flash another smile, expecting him to now leave, and go and talk to another one of his employees. Make the round, show them how great he is.

"So, Remus… May I call you Remus?"

"Sure."

"You've worked here for two years now, haven't you?" he asks me, and I stop right in my tracks. I had been walking with him, as he had led me away from the bar.

"How do you…"

"I hired you."

"No, I…"

"I hired you," he repeats, as he puts a hand on my lower back, leading me away from the bar, away from the party, out of the Hotel Bar. "I decided you deserved this job, after what had happened to you. You deserved much better, actually.

"So I got it out of pity?"

"No, please forgive me if it came across like that. I gave you the job, because I thought you could do with some good news, that's all. I wish I could have given you a better job than cleaning rooms, but there were no other jobs, so…"

"But…" Sirius Black, actual Sirius Black, hired me? He gave me this job? He knows about me? I had assumed that some schmuck had hired me, based on the fact that I was some moron who couldn't read or write. By the time I had gotten the job, I had learned some of it again, and I'm not exactly a moron. But it doesn't look good on your resume, does it, 'can't read or write'.

"So, Remus," mister Black continues, before I get to say anything, "would you like to know a secret?"

"Ehm…" No, I don't. Secrets are never good, are they? Especially secrets kept by the rich and famous. But I really do want to know. It's the drink, I'm telling you. I know I should say no, but this drink is messing with my brain. "Okay…"

"Do you want to know what is on the top floor of this hotel?"

"Extra rooms, for when the hotel is overbooked, right?" That is what we had been told. The eleventh floor is full of luxurious rooms, built simply for when the computer has made an error. Because god forbid a guest has to be told that their booking has to be cancelled.

"Do you want to see?" mister Black asks me, a cheeky, somewhat arrogant smile on his face.

"Sure." This is the big secret? I get to see the unused rooms?

He leads me to the lift, and gets a key out of his pocket. Without it, there is no access to the eleventh floor. It makes me wonder if these rooms are special. Are they themed? Do they have special items in them? Is a special guest staying in them? Are they so bad, that they need to be cleaned? That's why he's showing me? My mind is racing, as the lift is making its way upstairs. But then I catch him looking at me, that smile still on his face, his dark eyes focussed on me.

"Mister Black…"

"Sirius."

"I'd rather call…"

"Sirius."

"Sirius," I say, my face getting flushed. "Are you sure you know who I am? Are you not thinking of someone else? I clean rooms here, I…"

"I know who you are," he says, reaching out to put his hand on my arm. He gives it a little squeeze, just as the lift comes to a stop.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Eleventh Floor**

* * *

The doors don't open though, not before a code has been entered into the computer. But when the doors open, I expect to see just another hallway.

"But this…"

"Remember what I said, it's a secret, and I would like for it to stay that way."

"Of course, mister Black, I…"

"Sirius."

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I won't tell anyone. But, who lives here?" I ask, as we enter the apartment, suite, penthouse, whatever I should call it. I had expected to see a hallway, one that I am far too familiar with, lined with doors that I still see in my nightmares. But this… These aren't large luxurious hotel rooms. This is one enormous apartment, taking up the entire top floor of the Hotel.

"Who do you think?" Sirius laughs, as he leads me further into the apartment. His hand is on my lower back again, the bright drink still in his other hand, while I'm still holding onto mine, too scared to drink more, scared that it will make me forget about seeing this.

"This is yours?" I ask, as we stop, in front of the window, to look out over the city.

"It is. I've lived here for nearly two years now."

"But how come we never see you?" I ask, now looking back at him, even though the view of the city is beautiful.

"I've got my own lift, leading into the garage."

"The Hotel has a garage?" I ask, and he lets out a chuckle.

"I have a garage. I get into the lift, go up here, and when I leave, I go back there. So I don't go into the Hotel," he explains, the somewhat arrogant look back on his face. I still doubt it's actual arrogance though.

"Wow… I had no idea."

"Good. Then it's still a secret." He smiles, as he sips his drink, and looks back out of the window.

"So, do you need me to clean up here?" I ask, and he nearly chokes on the drink in his mouth, as he turns back to face me.

"Clean? I thought it was pretty clean? Is it that bad?"

"No, I just… Isn't that why you brought me here?" I ask, still confused. He puts his drink down on the table next to him, and takes a step towards me. I can feel his breath on my face, and I have to admit, that I am far from comfortable right now.

"I want to show you something else," he says, and without another word, he turns and leaves. I want to stay where I am, because what the hell am I getting myself into? This is Sirius Black, rich, famous, my boss. I am Remus Lupin, wannabe-lawyer, covered in scars, I clean hotel rooms. This, tonight, doesn't feel real. I should be at home, watching a movie with Katherine. But something about him, it makes me follow him, through the living area, a bedroom, outside. And when I see the pool, it takes my breath away. An infinity pool they call it, I believe. Let me tell you, in all the times I have been at the Hotel, I have not once heard about this pool. I haven't seen it, I hadn't even considered it to be a possibility. Because how the hell can you keep this a secret?

"What do you think?" I hear Sirius ask, and I turn to face him. He is standing next to me, the moonlight shining down on his face. And for just a second, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach. It makes me swallow hard, and I can feel my face flush. Because what the hell was that? "It's quite something, isn't it?"

"It's beautiful," I admit. "Thank you. For showing me."

"Let's go for a swim," he suggests.

"I can't, I…"

"You don't have swimwear?" he asks, and I nod. But I am disappointed. Because when will I ever get the chance to swim in a pool like this again? Let me answer that for you, I never will. People like me, we don't swim in infinity pools on top of the most luxurious, expensive hotel of the country. "Neither do I," he says, and he flashes a smile, before taking off his jacket. Is he really doing what I think he is doing? He starts to unbutton his shirt, never once taking his eyes off me, and with every button, I can feel my face getting more flushed.

"Don't be shy, Remus," he laughs, as he starts to slowly, teasingly, unbutton and unzip his trousers. I take my jacket off, my hands shaking, my heart beating fast. He bites his lip, a cheeky smile on his face, and he crosses his arms. His now unbuttoned, unzipped trousers slide down, but just stay on his hips, and I catch myself looking down. The smile on his face grows, and he comes up to me, places his hands on my neck, and presses his lips against mine. But before I can even process what has happened, he has dropped his trousers, and duck into the pool. I know I should put my jacket back on, run, leave, go back to Katherine. But I can't. My brain is telling me to leave, but it's my body that is working against it. I can feel myself unbuttoning my shirt, taking off my shoes, not even hesitating. Within seconds, I am in the pool, the water cool and refreshing, and for just a second, I close my eyes and forget where I am. But when I feel a hand on my side, I open my eyes, and I see Sirius staring at me with those dark, intense eyes. He is biting his lip, as he pulls me closer. When I feel his naked body pressed against mine, my heart starts beating even faster. Somewhere in the back of my mind I can see Katherine, but when Sirius starts kissing me, the image fades.

"So, Remus," he whispers into my ear.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Is this okay?" he asks me, a concerned look on his face. For the first time tonight, I see the human, the man, behind it all. Not Sirius from the papers, the magazine, the rich and famous playboy. Not my boss. Just a man. "Is this what you want as well?"

"It is," I say, but the words are hardly audible. My heart is beating so fast, and my mind is racing, so saying words, it almost seems like too much work for my body. But when he puts a hand on the side of my face, and he brushes his thumb across my lips, his dark eyes staring into mine, it is as though all of my thoughts are being brushed away. This, just this, it is what I want. It really is. When he lets go of me, I turn around and look out over the edge, down onto the city. It really is the most beautiful image, and I know I will never forget it. How can I?

* * *

When I wake up, in a bed that isn't mine and Katherine's, I am confused for a few seconds. But then I feel the soreness in my body, and I remember last night. I remember having sex with Sirius in the pool, while looking down at the city. I remember having sex again in the bed. This bed. I remember him kissing my body, my scars, not judging me. The images are flashing in my brain, and last night they had seemed like a perfect dream. But right now, all I can think about is Katherine. What the hell have I done?

"Ah, you're awake then?" Sirius says, as he enters the room, fully dressed. "How are you feeling?"

"I have got to tell you something. I should have told you before, but…"

"Tell me," he says, as he sits down on the edge of the bed. I don't want to hurt him, not just because he is a nice man, and I hate hurting people, but also because he is my boss, and I don't want to lose my job. But I have to tell him. I owe him that much.

"I have a girlfriend."

"Good," he says, and out of everything he could have said, this isn't what I had expected to hear.

"Good?"

"Yes. Then at least I know you won't tell anyone about last night." Of course. It was a one-off. Another secret. I'm just a cheap shag. Worse. I'm not even cheap. He got me for free. He just had to tell me that all of this was a secret, and I fell for it. He probably does this every night. I'm just another one on a long list. Nothing special. I am no one.

"Of course," I say, and he must see the hurt look on my face.

"Remus, look at me," he says, and I look up, trying to look strong. "I really enjoyed last night, I really did. But people can't know. I am…"

"Straight?" I ask, immediately regretting asking it. Because it makes me sound hurt, and pitiful. He just looks at me and flashes a small smile. "I'm sorry."

"You're a good man, Remus. I'm sure our paths will cross again," he says, and without saying another word, he leaves the room. I know he has left, but I don't want to get dressed and leave. Not yet. Because if I do, I'll have to go home and face Katherine. And how can I tell her about this?

* * *

"Wow, that must've been some party, eh?" Katherine asks, when I eventually get home. I know I look like shit, seeing as I've hardly slept. She probably thinks I'm drunk, and that I stayed at the hotel. Not that I ended up sleeping with my boss. What the hell have I done?

"Yeah, I ehm…"

"No need to explain. I was young once too," she laughs, and I fake a smile. She is a few years older than me, and she always makes jokes about being a cougar, about me still being a baby. "I love you," she says, as she comes up to me to give me a kiss.

"I love you too."

* * *

"So, where did you disappear off to?" James asks me, the minute I walk into the workroom, the next day. "One minute I saw you talking to the boss, the next minute, you were gone."

"Oh, I…"

"And so was he."

"Oh…"

"So…," James continues, and I can tell by the cheeky look on his face that he knows. If he knows, does everyone know? Was it all one big joke? Am I the joke? Is he going to tell Katherine? "Did he offer you another job or something? What is he like? Is he a nice guy?" Okay, so maybe James doesn't know.

"No, he just told me I was doing a good job, which he probably told everyone, and then I left."

"I saw you leaving together, man. What happened?" I can't tell him. I know I can't. But I want to, because since waking up in Sirius' bed, the guilt has been tearing away at me.

"Nothing, I said goodbye to him and left."

"You're hiding something. Is it a secret job? Is there a new hotel or something?"

"No," I say, and I can almost feel the words leaving my mouth, but then the door opens, and a girl comes into the workroom. I had just almost told him, and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. Without saying another word, I get up and leave the workroom. I get to work, as though it's just another day. Cleaning up rich people's blood, vomit, shit, whatever it is that they leave behind in their room. But that night, it keeps playing on my mind. I cheated on Katherine, I slept with my boss, who just so happens to be Sirius Black, I feel used, like a cheap fuck. Thrown away in the morning. I am confused, I am angry, I am sad. I just want to go back to the party and leave before going to the bar. I want to not meet Sirius. I want to go home, be with Katherine. I want peace, quiet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Eleven Need You**

* * *

It's been a few weeks, and I still feel guilty, but I am trying to move on from what happened. I have decided to not tell Katherine. To not tell James. I want to move on. I want to forget. I want it to have been a dream, nothing more.

I have just gotten changed into my suit, and I am about to get to the bus stop, when I see a man coming up to me. I step to the side to let him past, because he must be one of the guests, but he just hands me a note. So I open it, and read it. I expect it to be another note, telling me that a guest has fucked up a room, and I have to clean it up. But when I read the note, I have to take a deep breath.

 _Eleven needs you._

"I have to go home," I say, but I know that I'm not going home to Katherine. I am angry with Sirius, and I want to tell him. So I follow the man who has given me the note, and he leads me to the lift, where he enters the key, but before the lift leaves to go up, he leaves the lift. I wonder how I will get out though, because I don't know the code to enter the apartment. But when I get up, the door opens, and Sirius is waiting for me.

"Remus!"

"You bastard," I spit out, and I can see the hurt look on his face, but he doesn't say a word. "I have a girlfriend!"

"Yes."

"I was going to ask her to marry me. I have a ring and everything!" I spit out, shouting at him. The frustration now all coming out. He just looks at me, and takes it in. "I was going to ask her to marry me…"

"Congratulations."

"No, you don't get it. I can't ask her to marry me."

"Why not? Is it the money? You can have the wedding here, for free," Sirius offers, but it only makes me more angry.

"No, I… I can't ask her."

"Are you nervous?" he asks me, such a genuine look on his face that it makes me want to punch him. It makes me want to smash his face into a pulp. It makes me want to kiss him. "How long have you two been together? Are you scared she'll say no?"

"No," I spit out. "I can't ask her!" I repeat, now shouting it.

"Well, then, why not?"

"Because of you!"

"Me? What have I done?" he asks me, looking genuinely confused.

"We fucked, Sirius."

"We did."

"You made me cheat on her."

"I didn't make you do anything," he says, "You were there, and I asked you what you wanted. So don't you dare blame me for your guilt."

"But I…"

"Remus, don't," he spits out. "Yes, we fucked. It happens. It's sex. It was fun. I enjoyed it. You enjoyed it. But this girl, you love her, right?"

"I do," I admit. Because I do, I love her. "We've been together for years. She helped me when I was ill. She's kind. She's beautiful…"

"If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, propose to her. Forget about what happened. That was nothing," he says, but that doesn't make me feel better. It hurts.

"So, do you take people up to this place all the time?" I ask, and I can see that he is trying not to smile.

"Go home, Remus," he says, and he leads me back to the lift. Within minutes, I am at the bus stop, feeling more confused, but also less confused. Yes, I should propose to Katherine. She is great. But why the hell do I want that night to have been more to Sirius than just sex? What does it matter to me? Why do I care so much?

* * *

"Remus?" Katherine asks me, long after I figured she must had fallen asleep. "Are you upset, about before?"

"Embarrassed, yeah," I admit, and I can feel her cuddle up to me. We had tried to have sex, but it just hadn't worked. I kept thinking about Sirius. I was anxious, stressed out. Katherine had noticed, so she had cuddled up to me and told me it was okay. I didn't even care. I didn't want to fuck her. Not really.

"Is everything okay at work?"

"Yeah. I'm just tired, that's all."

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?" she asks me, and I kiss the top of her head. "I love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

"So Lily came back to my place, and we…," James is telling me, as we're having a drink after work. I can hear the words, but when I see that long dark hair, my mind is somewhere else entirely. I jump up and leave, James' words ringing in my ears. "Where are you going, man?"

"Mister Black?" I ask, and the dark-haired man turns around. He flashes me a warm smile, and puts a hand on my arm, giving a little squeeze.

"Eleven?" he simply asks, and I nod, my heart beating fast. Before now, I had tried to move on, forget about it. I had even been planning on finally proposing to Katherine. But seeing him here, right now… I had to go to him. He leads me to the lift, but other people get in with us. So he waits until they have all gotten off, before using his key to lead us to the eleventh floor. When we enter the apartment, he takes off his jacket, and he offers me a drink. But I ignore it, go up to him, and grab him by the shirt, pushing him up against the wall. For just a second, he looks nervous, but when I press my lips against his, he simply puts his hands on my lower back and pulls me closer.

"Fuck," I whisper, when I break the kiss and step away from him, and I want to turn and leave. But when I see him biting his lip, smiling, I know I'm not going anywhere. "What are you doing to me?" I whisper, but he just looks at me, still biting his lip. Before I know it, I am in front of him again, but I don't kiss him. He simply brings his hand up to his mouth, and for just a split-second, I'm confused, but when he spits in it, I know exactly what is coming. Within seconds, his hand is in my pants, wrapped around me, and I have to lean on him to not fall over. "Fuck," I say again, because it's all I can manage to say right now. I am seeing stars, and my knees are giving out. If he wasn't holding me up, I'd be on the floor right now. But then he stops, and after a few seconds, I manage to catch my breath.

"You alright?" he asks me, a hand on the side of my neck. I nod, and he flashes a smile before giving me a kiss. But then he drops to his knees, and I close my eyes. Because this isn't happening. Not really. It cannot be happening. But when I hear the zipper of my trousers sliding down, and I feel them dropping to the floor, when I feel his hands sliding down my pants, I know it is happening. His mouth wraps around me, and I have to steady myself against the wall behind him, in order not to fall over. Because fucking hell. This isn't happening. This is NOT happening.

"So, can I get you that drink then?" he asks me, when he gets back up. I am still trying to catch my breath, my face more flushed than ever, standing here, naked from the waist down, my trousers and pants down around my ankles. I look at him, and catch him wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. It only makes me feel even more flushed, and I quickly pull up my pants and trousers, covering myself up.

"Yeah, alright," I manage to say, and I follow him to the kitchen. He washes his hands, and makes us both a drink. Nothing bright this time, but what it is, I haven't got a clue. He hands me the drink, and as I take a sip, I look at him, staring at me with his dark eyes.

"So, Remus," he says. "How's your girlfriend?" he asks me, and I can't help but laugh.

"Fuck off."

"Are we alright then?" he asks, and I nod. But I'm not sure. Are we? Alright, I mean. What is this? Another cheap fuck? Is this going to happen more often? Am I now having an affair? I know I should care, but when he starts unbuttoning his shirt, I simply stop caring. I want him. I really do.

* * *

"Sirius?" I ask, when we're in bed one day. He is kissing my back, so gently, that it is giving me chills.

"Mhm," he mumbles, and he continues kissing my naked, scarred, skin.

"How many others are there?"

"Other what?"

"People like me. Like this," I say, feeling embarrassed. But I do want to know. It has been playing on my mind for weeks. At first, I came up here, and we fucked until I had to go home. I felt guilty towards Katherine, but not guilty enough to stop. Or to tell her. But as she tried to kiss me, caress me, as she tried to get me to have sex with her, I realised I had messed up. Not once had Sirius and I used protection. For all I know, there have been hundreds of others, and I have exposed myself to that. I can't expose Katherine to that. So we simply stopped having sex. I told her I'm tired. I can see the pain in her eyes, because she doesn't believe me. Who would? But I can't make her ill. She doesn't deserve that.

"There are no others," Sirius admits, as he stops kissing me. He moves, to face me, a serious look on his face.

"But I see you, in the magazines, with all those girls, you…"

"They are my friends, Remus."

"But I see you kissing them. And I'm not jealous, that's not why I'm asking…"

"It's fine, you can ask me," he quickly says. "But those girls, they are my friends. We go out, we get drunk, we kiss. I enjoy kissing them. It's fun, nothing more."

"But what about…," I try, but I can't seem to find the words. I don't want to seem jealous. I'm not. I don't think I am. But I need to know. "Then who do you sleep with?"

"You," Sirius laughs.

"I get that," I laugh, feeling stupid, but I can see that Sirius isn't judging me. "But who else?"

"No one. The girls, they are my friends, nothing more. I like men, Remus. I am gay."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I ask, and he flashes a smile.

"I'm not sleeping with anyone but you. You're the first man I've ever taken up to this place," he tells me, and I can see that he is telling the truth. But I am finding it hard to believe. Because this is Sirius Black. Famous for his partying, his drinking, all the girls… He is gay, and he hasn't slept with anyone in the two years he has lived here? Not until he brought me here, all those weeks ago? That doesn't seem right. And yet, I know he wouldn't lie to me about it. There is no reason to.

"So us not using protection… that is safe?" I ask, and he nods, but then he shakes his head.

"It isn't, is it?" he laughs. "I've been tested, months ago, because I wasn't feeling well. But you, you're the one who's sleeping with someone else. So I'm at risk here."

"Oh…," I say, because now I feel guilty. Should I get myself tested? "I did get tested, before I first slept with Katherine, and I haven't been with anyone since, so…"

"You haven't, but…"

"She's not cheating on me," I quickly say, but then I realise how much of a hypocrite I am.

"But if it makes you feel better, we'll use protection from now on. I do apologise, I should have asked before," he says, and he gives me a quick kiss. At first it was all about the sex, but since last week, I have noticed a change. He is more gentle, he is kinder. Loving. I should be grateful, but I'm not. It makes me want him more. But I can't have him. I don't think anyone can. Besides, I'm with Katherine, and I do love her. I still have to ask her to marry me. I shouldn't be longing for someone else. Especially not my boss. It's wrong, and I know it. But there is just something about him, that keeps drawing me back in.


	4. Chapter 4

**We Say Goodbye**

* * *

"I swear I saw you with the big boss, man," James says, when I get into the workroom one day. "You were getting into the lift with him."

"I'm telling you, it wasn't me," I say, but it was me. I got to work early, just to have a quick fuck. I lied to Katherine, I'm now lying to James. I should be feeling guilty, but I don't. It was worth it. Even thinking that, it makes me hate myself. When did I become that person?

"Yeah, it was. It's a new job, isn't it?"

"It really isn't."

"Then what is it? I've seen you with him at least a dozen times since that party a few months ago. I promise I won't tell anyone… Wait, you're not leaving me here by myself, are you? Because I will…"

"We're fucking," I blurt out, interrupting him. "Well, technically, he's fucking me, but…"

"What?" he asks me, his face gone an odd grey-ish colour. "You are…"

"Yeah."

"Right… Really?"

"Yeah," I say, and I slowly but surely watch as the colour comes back into his face. "It started at the party, and it's still happening. I'm cheating on Katherine, with him."

"So you're…"

"Bi."

"Really?" he asks me, and I can't help but smile. "Sorry."

"But yeah, I am. And what I just told you, it's a secret. So…"

"Got it. Not telling anyone, not even Lily. But man… Sirius Black?" he laughs, shaking his head. "You're a fucking idiot, you do know that, right?"

"I know."

* * *

"Please just tell me the truth," Katherine begs me, the tears rolling down her face. She had made me dinner, one of those romantic ones, hoping to get me to have sex with her again. But I just can't do it. "Who is she?"

"I'm not seeing another woman," I say, and it's the truth. But I hate myself for saying it. Because she knows I'm cheating on her, she's not an idiot. And here I am, lying to her, because technically, I'm not seeing a woman. She deserves better than this. But I don't want to lose her. She has been there for me when I needed her most, and I love her, so losing her… It doesn't feel right.

"Then what the fuck is wrong with you? Your mind has been somewhere else for months. You can't stand me touching you. You don't want to have sex… You say you work late, but we both know you don't. Where the hell are you when you say you're working?" she spits out at me. I should tell her, that I am seeing someone else. It's what she deserves. The truth. Then she can move on, find someone else.

"I…"

"It's true, isn't it?" she asks me, the tears now having stopped. "I heard the rumours, but I didn't want to believe them."

"What rumours?" I ask her, my mind now racing. Are there rumours going around about Sirius and me? I told James weeks ago, and he promised not to tell. I trust him, but… who else knows? Did someone see us? How long ago did Katherine hear about it? Has she known from the beginning?

"You're gay," she says, and I can't help but laugh. It's just a reaction, but when I see the hurt look on her face, I stop laughing.

"I'm not gay, Kat. I'm bi."

"But… why didn't you tell me? I heard from people who used to know you, that before we met, you were with this guy…"

"I was. He was my boyfriend for a few months, and I loved him. But it didn't work out, and a few weeks later, I met you. I didn't think it mattered if I was bi or not…," I say, but the truth is that I was too scared to tell her. I was scared that she would judge me or reject me. I was planning on telling her, but then I got into the car accident, and I couldn't lose her. Not after that.

"But if you're not gay, and you're not cheating on me, then… what is going on, Remus?" she asks me, tears now falling from her eyes again. "Please…"

"Marry me," I blurt out, but as soon as the words have left my mouth, I know I shouldn't have said it.

"What? No!"

"I'm sorry, I…"

"Screw you, Remus," she spits out, and she grabs her phone, her keys, and storms out of the apartment. I fucked up, I know I did. I also know that I'm the one who has to fix this situation, but I just don't know what to do. Doing the right thing would be ending it with Sirius, and working on my relationship with Katherine. But the thought of not seeing Sirius again, it makes me feel like I'm losing a part of myself. I could tell Katherine the truth, make her leave me, and be with Sirius for as long as he'll have me. The thought of that… it feels better, actually. But hurting Katherine, losing what we have? She deserves better after everything she has done for me.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Katherine, she… we had a fight," I explain, when I'm at Sirius' a few days later. He noticed that I was distracted, and immediately I had felt guilty. "I shouldn't have come here."

"Remus… it's okay," Sirius says, as he brushes the hair out of my face, and kisses me. "Tell me, what happened?"

"She thinks I'm cheating on her, she thinks I'm gay. I came out to her, asked her to marry me… I panicked. So she left. I haven't heard from her since."

"Give her a few days, she needs some time to process things. When she comes back, you will work things out, I'm sure of it."

"Why do you…," I hear myself say, but I quickly stop myself.

"What?"

"Don't you care, that when I leave, I go back to the home I share with her? That if we do work things out, we might get married, have a family one day?" I ask, and Sirius flashes a warm smile.

"Do you want me to care?"

"I don't know."

"Would you care if I was seeing someone else?" he asks me, and I nod. I know that what we have, is nothing. It's sex, he has made that very clear from the beginning. But yes, I would care. I would be jealous. I would be upset. It would hurt me, and I would want it to be me. "You would?"

"Yeah," I admit. The smile disappears from his face, and it's replaced by a sadness. "I care."

"Don't."

"Do you?" I ask him again. Because he hasn't answered my question yet. "Do you care that I'm with Katherine."

"Don't ask me that, please."

"Tell me."

"Remus!"

"I need to know," I whisper, because I can feel myself getting closer to crying with each word shared between us. "Please…"

"You love her, right?" he asks me, and I nod, because I do. I really do. "Then be with her, Remus. Marry her, start a family. But don't ask me if I care ever again." He tells me, but I can see that he is close to tears as well. But I can't tell if it's because he is angry with me, or because I have hurt him by asking it. Or maybe he is upset that I care too much. That it has become more than sex. It was never meant to be more than that, was it?

* * *

"So… you still shagging the boss?" James asks, after a few beers at my place. Katherine still hasn't come back, so James felt sorry for me and had come over to keep me company.

"Yeah."

"Is that why she left? Did she find out?"

"No, it's just… I don't know. I love her, but…"

"You love him more?" he asks me, and I can feel my stomach drop. Love him? Do I love Sirius? I do. I've been telling myself for the longest time that I don't. That it's just sex, nothing more. But I know I started having feelings for him the moment we met.

"I don't know," I admit, and James nods. He's an idiot, but I do trust him, and at times like these, I know he's there for me. I know he isn't judging me, that he doesn't care. "I love Katherine, and we've been through so much together, she has done so much for me after the accident, and…"

"That means fuck all, man. That's the past. What do you want in the future? Do you want to be with her? Or do you want to be with him? How does he feel about all of this? Does he know about her?"

"He knows, and he doesn't care. I don't think he does. It's just sex to him. He doesn't…"

"Love you?"

"Yeah."

"But you love him. That's not a question, by the way," he laughs. "When you talk about him, your face lights up, man. But when you talk about Katherine, it's almost like you stay with her because you feel like you owe her just because she stayed with you after the accident. That isn't right."

"It isn't," I admit. "I do love her, but…"

"You're not in love with her."

"Yeah," I admit, and it's actually the first time that I've admitted that. Even to myself. "Not anymore."

"Then end it, so you can move on, and she can move on," he says, as he finishes yet another beer. "And the whole Sirius thing, with it just being a casual thing… I'm not buying it. It's been months, man. He cares, trust me. I feel it in my gut."

* * *

"I'm leaving you," Katherine says, just after we have sat down. I had invited her over, to talk things through. I know I said to James that I'm not in love with her anymore, but to end it, just like this, after all this time? I wanted to talk things through, see if we could work things out. But the second she has said those words, it feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. "This… it isn't working anymore. I don't know if you are seeing someone behind my back or not, or… I don't think I even care anymore, and that isn't right."

"I know."

"You're great, Remus, and I am truly sorry that it hasn't worked out."

"Me too," I say, and I can see that she is okay with this. That this is why she stayed with her parents for a while, to think things through. To make a decision. The right decision for both of us.

"I'll move my things out while you're at work, so…"

"There's no need."

"I want to," she says. "I'll leave the key, so…"

"I love you," I automatically say, and by her smile, I can tell that she knows there is no feeling in it. Not anymore. She gets up, and walks over to the door.

"Goodbye, Remus."

* * *

"Remus!" Sirius says, a big smile on his face, when I enter his apartment. But I can't say a word to him, because if I do, I will tell him I love him. I will tell him that I want to be with him, that now Katherine has left me, that there is no one standing in our way. So I go up to him, and push him up against the wall, my hands already unbuttoning his shirt. Within seconds, his shirt is down on the floor, and I am on my knees, kissing his stomach, unzipping his trousers. But then he pulls me up, a worried look on his face. "What is wrong? You are upset."

"I'm not," I lie, but I can feel the tears stinging in my eyes. I want to drop down to my knees again, but he stops me. "Please, Sirius, I…"

"Remus!" he warns me, and just the harshness of his voice, it makes me burst into tears. He wraps his arms around me, and pulls me close. "It's okay," he whispers into my ear, but it doesn't help. I keep bawling like a baby, and I can feel my legs giving out. So together, we sink onto the floor, his arms still around me. "Has she left you?" he guesses, and I nod, a strange sound coming from deep inside of me. But that isn't why I'm so upset. I couldn't be with Sirius because of Katherine. Now that she is gone, the reality has hit me. I will never be with him. Because I am nothing to him. Nothing but sex. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care. And facing that, it hurts a thousand times more than Katherine leaving me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Those Three Words**

* * *

It's been nearly a year since I had first met Sirius, and nothing has changed since Katherine had left me. I am still in love with Sirius, but we are nothing more than two men who just so happen to have sex with each other. Let me tell you, there have been at least a hundred times where I had wanted to tell him how I feel about him. But I know that he doesn't feel the same way, so I had kept my mouth shut. Because I don't want to lose him. I can't.

For the first time since meeting him, he has invited me to come out with him to a party. He had warned me that there will be photographers, that my face will be in the magazines. That people will now know me as his friend. He had asked me how I had felt about it, had given me the choice not to go. But I do want to go. I don't give a toss about people seeing my face in magazines. They won't even notice me, when Sirius is in the picture.

He had bought me a new outfit, custom-made, and when I enter the living area, wearing it, I feel my face getting flushed. It must have cost him more than what I pay for rent in a month, but it's a gorgeous suit, and I feel honoured wearing it. He himself is wearing another one of his suits, the ones that he is known for. Dark velvet, with a black shirt, black shoes. I go over to him, and kiss him. He pulls me closer, and right now, I just want to take off my suit and take him to the swimming pool. But this party is a big deal. So we grab our things, before he leads me to his personal lift, his hand on my lower back.

"You look beautiful," he says, before we enter it, and I know my face was already flushed, but it is definitely more flushed now. Beautiful? Me, average, scarred, Remus Lupin? Next to him, I look like trash. But I'll take the compliment.

* * *

"So, who are you, then?" a girl asks me, a dirty look on her face. We are at the party, and Sirius had gone off with one of his friends, because she had to introduce him to someone.

"I'm Remus, I'm a friend of Sirius'."

"No, you're not. I've never seen you before."

"A friend from work," I say, but she just raises an eyebrow. "I should…," I try, but she grabs my arm.

"Want one?" she asks me, holding up a small bag of pills. "It'll make you feel…"

"Definitely not, but thank you," I say, and I quickly make my way over to the other side of the room. I notice Sirius, his hand on a man's arm. He is laughing, not taking his hand off the man's arm… His friend has left… Who the fuck is this man? Is this why Sirius brought me here? To meet his boyfriend? The man leans over, whispers something in Sirius' ear, and Sirius laughs again. I want to go over to them, ask what is going on. But what right do I have?

"Ah, there you are," Sirius' friend, the one who had taken him away from me to meet someone, says, a big smile on her face. "What's up with the ehm…," she asks me, pointing at a scar on my chest that is visible now that I have opened the top button of my shirt because of the heat.

"Car accident."

"Wow. It looks proper nasty… not like ugly or anything, just… bad. Like, you look like you're lucky to be alive, is what I'm trying to say," she says, and I can't help but smile. She's rude, but I know she means no harm. Sirius had warned me about her. Laila and him have been friends for years, and although she blurts out everything, she means well. And she would never try and intentionally hurt someone.

"Yeah," I say, because what else do I say? That it messed up my life? That my dream of becoming a lawyer got fucked up by it? That I'm stuck cleaning shit because of it?

"So, Remus… a little birdie told me that you and you know who…," she says, looking over at Sirius, "are, you know…"

"I…." He told her? He told his secret to someone? How long has she known? What does she know exactly?

"Don't worry, he just told me that you're a good man, that… gosh, you really are a good man, aren't you, Remus?" she sighs. "He had a boyfriend, years ago, and he treated him like shit. I mean, proper shit. Like… I shouldn't tell you, really. But I'm glad he's got you now."

"Thanks," I say, but I'm not sure if I am hearing this correct. He has been telling her about me? He has been saying nice things? She is comparing me to his ex-boyfriend?

"Don't tell him I said that, though."

"I won't." I flash a smile, and she gives me a kiss on the lips, before walking off again. Only seconds later, Sirius comes over to me, flashing the warmest smile.

"Was she gossiping again?" he asks, and I shake my head. "She's great."

"She is." But what Laila has told me, keeps playing on my mind, and I'm not sure if I will be able to forget.

* * *

We're in bed, only hours later, and Sirius is on top of me, his hand on the side of my face, his thumb brushing over my lips. His naked body pressed against my skin. His dark eyes focussed on me, as though there is nothing or no one else in the world.

"I love you," I hear myself whisper. I have thought those words so many times, but not once had I said them. I wasn't planning on saying them. Ever. This is sex, nothing more. Love doesn't have a part to play in whatever is between Sirius and me. But now those words have left my mouth, and it's too late to take them back.

"Remus…," Sirius whispers, taking his hand away from my face, still staring down at me. But I can't read his eyes. What is he thinking? Is he angry? Have I messed this up?

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. It just…," I try, but he moves away from me, leaving me feeling cold. "I'm so sorry," I try again, but he just sits up against the headboard, his legs pulled up against his chest. "Please say something."

"You love me?" he asks me, his voice shaking.

"I shouldn't have said that. I know what we have, and what this is, so…"

"Do you love me?" he asks me again, interrupting me. I sit up, facing him, and I nod. Why deny it? I did say it. "You shouldn't."

"Why not? Because it's just sex? Look, I'm sorry, yeah? I have feeling for you, but I know that this is nothing more, and I have accepted that. So we can just forget about this, and… I don't know, can we just forget I said it?"

"I'm not worth your love, Remus," he then whispers, looking down at his hands. "You deserve someone… someone special, someone who treats you right, who… you deserve more."

"I want you," I blurt out, and he looks up at me, tears in his eyes. That's when I hear Laila's words in my mind, about his ex not treating him right. "What did he do to you, to make you feel like this? To make you think you don't deserve to be loved?"

"What?" he asks me. "Who told you that? Did Laila… what did she say?"

"She only told me that you were with someone who didn't treat you right, that's all."

"She shouldn't have said that," he says, looking back down at his hands.

"What did he do?" I ask again, as I watch a tear roll down his face. Strong, confident Sirius, now looking so small, so fragile… "Sirius? What did he do to you?"

"He hurt me," he says, his voice breaking.

"Did he hit you?" I ask, and he nods. "Once, or…"

"He was the classic abuser, Remus," he says, now looking back up at me. "He beat me, told me I was worthless, fat, ugly, he…"

"He what?" I ask, but I can tell by him shaking what he is trying to say. "Did he… did he force you to… you know?"

"Yes, Remus. He raped me. He hurt me, and he broke me," he says, the tears falling down his face, while I'm fighting against my own tears. "That's why this… You can't love me, because I don't deserve it. I am broken."

"You're not," I whisper, as I put my hand on his hands. I expect him to push me away. But he takes my hand in his, and I can feel him shaking. "What he did to you… I can't even begin to imagine what that must've been like for you. But fucking hell, you are not broken, do you hear me? He did not break you. You are Sirius fucking Black. You are the most handsome man I have ever seen. When I see you, my heart literally skips a beat," I admit, because right now I don't care if this is going too far. If this is crossing a line. This is not just sex anymore. I need him to know how I feel about him. Not for me. For him. "You are clever, brilliant even. You run this…"

"People can run it without me," he interrupts me.

"Fuck off," I hear myself say. "They can't. And… I know I shouldn't say this, but…"

"What?"

"I have fallen in love with you, Sirius. I don't even care anymore. Because I do, I love you. There, I said it."

"Don't."

"I love you," I repeat, and the sobs start coming from somewhere deep inside his body. They are heartbreaking, and loud. I move towards him, and wrap my arms around him, holding him as tight as I can, while he keeps shaking, sobbing. "I love you," I keep repeating, until he finally calms down.

"Remus?" he eventually asks.

"Will you leave me, now you know this about me?" He sounds fragile, scared, child-like.

"Never. I love you, and whether you believe it or not, you are worth being loved. I am not going anywhere, do you hear me?" I say to him, as he looks up at me, a scared look on his face. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

I had taken a few days off work to stay with Sirius, after that night. He had gotten ill, and he had stayed in bed with a fever. So I had taken care of him, and I had held him, when he had broken down again. But we hadn't spoken about it anymore.

This morning though, I had woken up because of noise. I had quickly gotten out of bed, to see if Sirius had gotten hurt, only to find him in the kitchen, preparing breakfast.

"How are you feeling?" I ask him, and he shrugs.

"I guess it had to come out some time, right?" he says, looking embarrassed. I go over to him, and give him a big hug.

"I'm proud of you, for talking to me. Was I the first person you told, after Laila?" I ask, as I start making coffee.

"I haven't told her," he admits. "I mean, I told her about him calling me names, but… not the rest. Remus, I…," he begins, but then he stops himself. I turn to face him, and I can see him looking for the words. "Are you sure you want this," he says, pointing at the both of us, "to be more? Because I…"

"You are not broken, you are not damaged, or whatever it is that you were going to say. We've been together, sort of, for nearly a year. So yes, I want this to be more than just a fuck."

"I can't promise you that I'll be any good at it, though."

"Neither can I. Look at my last relationship. I ended up cheating on her," I say, and he can't help but smile. "But I am in love with you, and you…"

"I'm in love with you too. Have been for months," he admits.

"So don't we owe it to ourselves to give it a shot?" I ask, and he nods, but I can see that he's scared. "Are you scared people will find out? Because I will keep it to myself. Well, James knows, but…"

"I figured." He smiles. "That's not it. I'm just scared that I'll mess it up, and…"

"What?"

"I don't want to lose you," he admits.

"That's not going to happen. Come here," I say, as I open up my arms. I wrap my arms around him, and hold him tight. I feel like things have changed between us, in a good way. And I hope that it will all work itself out. I really do.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shag? Partner? Boyfriend?**

* * *

"So, how's the ehm… shag?" James asks, when we're in the workroom. Another man is in the room, so James can't actually say Sirius' name.

"Partner, actually," I correct him. "Or boyfriend… I'm not sure…"

"Wait, hold up," he laughs. "You guys are official now?"

"Yeah, but," I hold my finger up to my lips, to make sure he knows to keep quiet.

"Yeah yeah, I haven't even told Lily. But wow, congratulations, man. Will I now finally get to meet him?"

"Maybe. One day."

"Scared I'll steal him off you?" James laughs.

"I didn't know he was your type?"

"Shh, don't tell anyone," he jokes, and I can't help but laugh, as I shake my head.

* * *

It's Valentines Day, and Sirius has invited me to the eleventh floor. I'm disappointed that we can't go out, like other couples. But I understand. If we were to go out, our faces would be in magazines, and people would talk about our relationship within minutes. But he has promised me a special Valentines Day, so I'm wearing one of the suits that he has bought me, and I can feel my heart racing as I make my way up to his apartment. By now I know the code, so I can enter the apartment without having to wait for him.

"I'll be right there!" Sirius shouts from the kitchen, so I stay where I am. He quickly comes over to me, and gives me a kiss. He is wearing a dark purple velvet suit, with a black shirt, and I can't help but smile. Because he is so handsome, and I get to be here, at the Black Tower Hotel, top floor, with Sirius Black. It still hits me how surreal it sounds when I say it in my mind like that.

"I bought you something," I say, and he laughs.

"Presents already?"

"Yeah," I nervously say, as I hand him the box. I know that he can buy himself anything, and he has pretty much everything you can think of. So to buy him something, is quite the challenge. He opens the box, and the biggest, warmest smile comes upon his face, when he sees the pocket watch. "Do you like it?"

"I love it."

"I thought it would look nice with your suits, so…"

"Thank you, Remus," he says, and he gives me another kiss. He puts his hand on my lower back, and leads me to the kitchen, where the table is perfectly set. There are rose petals everywhere, and a candle is burning on the table. I had been disappointed before, about not being able to go to a restaurant. But this is so much better than a restaurant.

* * *

"Remus…"

"Sirius." I smile, after we have finished dessert. I pick up my cocktail, which Sirius had made himself, and which of course, is far too strong.

"I'm nervous," he admits, before getting a small item out of his pocket. "If this is too soon, then please just say so. But you're here all the time anyway, and… I like having you here with me, so…"

"Yes?" I laugh, but I can already tell what is coming.

"Will you move in with me?" he asks, handing me a key to the apartment.

"I'd love to move in with you." I put down the cocktail, and get up to go over to him. He gets up, and starts kissing me. I drop the key on the table, and we make our way, still kissing, out of the apartment, out to the pool. It's cold outside, but still we quickly get out of our clothes, and into the pool. The view from here, looking down at the city, it still amazes me. And as I lean against the side, to look down, I feel Sirius coming up behind me, kissing my neck, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"This is perfect," I whisper, and I turn my head to face him.

"You are perfect."

"Fuck off," I say, but I can't help but smile. And the smile is still on my face, when he pushes himself into me, a small moan escaping from his lips. As he starts kissing my neck, as I look up at the moon shining down on us. As I realise that this, this night, this moment, this is what I want. Sirius and me, no one else. Just the two of us, underneath the stars and the moonlight.

* * *

"So… do I call him mister Black, or…," James asks, as we make our way into the lift. He is about to meet Sirius for the very first time, and not only is he about to meet his boss, this will be the first time that he will meet my partner, boyfriend. I'm not sure which it is. What we are calling it.

"No, you are not calling him mister Black," I laugh, but he just shrugs, as I enter my key, so we can make out way up to the eleventh floor. "You're calling him Sirius."

"This is weird, man."

"Because he's our boss?"

"Yeah," he laughs, but I just shrug. At first it had been weird, having sex with my boss. Because what if I messed up? Would he fire me? But after some time, it had worked itself out. Yes, he is technically also my boss. But we don't talk about it. When we are together, we don't talk about work. It just doesn't come up. And if things were to go wrong between us, I know he wouldn't make me lose my job. He just isn't that type of guy. "Isn't it weird though, living here? At the Hotel?"

"You'll see, when we get up there," I laugh. "That is not the Hotel."

"But…," James begins, but the lift stops, and I enter the code, to enter the apartment. When the door opens, and we get out, I look at James, to see the look on his face. His mouth is literally hanging open, and I can't help but smile. I think back to that night, when Sirius had first brought me here, and I had seen the apartment for the first time. That night will forever be special to me, it is the night that had started it all. But it still seems like a surreal dream to me sometimes. All of it does.

"So, what do you think?" I ask, trying hard not to grin.

"This…," James says. "You are actually living up here? With Sirius Black?"

"Yes, he is," I hear Sirius laugh, as he enters the living area, a warm smile on his face. "It's so good to finally meet you, James."

"Mister Black, I…"

"Sirius."

"Sorry," James quickly says, and I can't help but smile. "Wow… I thought he was taking the piss, when he first told me about you, but…"

"I wasn't."

"Wow," is all James can say, as Sirius comes up to him to shake his hand.

"It's good to meet you," Sirius repeats, and I can see that James is starting to relax.

"You too. And I won't tell anyone about this place."

"You better not. Or I will make sure you will lose your job," Sirius says, a serious look on his face, but I can see that he is only making joke. James can't tell though, and I can see the fear in his eyes.

"You will?"

"He's only joking," I say, shaking my head.

"Relax," Sirius laughs, as he puts his hand on James' arm and gives it a little squeeze. "Come on, let's get a drink."

* * *

"So, what did you think of James?" I ask, when Sirius and I are in the pool that night. I had really enjoyed spending time with the two of them, and after James had finally relaxed around Sirius, we had actually had a laugh, all three of us.

"He seems great. But why didn't he bring his girlfriend? Lily, is it?"

"Oh, they've split up again. But they'll be back together next week," I say, and Sirius laughs as he shakes his head. "I want to ask you something."

"Ask me."

"Your parents…"

"My dad."

"What about your mum?" I ask, and the smile disappears from Sirius' face. "I'm sorry, I…"

"No, it's okay. She ehm… she passed away in an accident, when I was a baby. They were working on the road, she walked by, and…," I can see the sadness in his eyes, but he just shakes his head. "She didn't suffer, it was quick, so… that's good, I suppose. But yes, it was just my dad, when I was growing up."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," he says, as he takes my hand in his, and brings it up to his mouth, to kiss it. "I've had a happy childhood, and my dad, he was always there for me. Still is. But why are you asking about him?"

"Do you think you'll ever want me to meet him?" I ask, now feeling nervous to ask. Because is this too soon? I've only just moved in with him, and although it's been more than a year since we met, I'm still nervous to cross a line, because of the way our relationship used to be.

"Of course, Remus," he says, a confused look on his face. Confused that I even doubted that. "Do you want me to meet your mum?" he asks me, and I nod, nervously. "Good, because I'd love to meet her."


	7. Chapter 7

**The Hotel Lift**

* * *

"Remus?" I hear, as I slowly feel myself waking up.

"Mhm?" I mumble, not opening my eyes. It's too early. After this week, where a group of wealthy men had stayed on the third floor, with their 'girlfriends', I do not want to wake up yet. The things I've seen, the things I've had to clean up this week… Let me tell you, I was ready to get up and leave. But seeing as I'm shagging the boss, I can't. Or maybe I can. Can I?

"I'm gay," Sirius says, and I can't help but smile.

"Is that why you had your dick up my arse last night then?" I mumble.

"Remus!"

"What?" I laugh, as I finally open my eyes, only to find Sirius staring at me with a serious look on his face. "What? I thought we'd done the whole coming out to each other thing already?"

"I'm practicing."

"What for?"

"For when I tell my dad," he admits, and I can't help but laugh.

"Your dad doesn't know you're gay?"

"No…"

"You're going to be thirty this year, and you still haven't told your dad you're gay?"

"No," he says, slightly annoyed, but mostly embarrassed. "But he is coming over for dinner tonight, to meet you, so…"

"He is? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I was nervous. I am nervous. What was your coming out like?" he asks me, and I can't help but smile.

"I just told my mum I had a boyfriend, she asked me his name, and that was that…"

"That was it?" he asks me, looking confused.

"Yeah."

"So you never actually told her?"

"Told her what?" I laugh, because he looks so confused, so nervous, and he is absolutely adorable.

"That you're bi."

"Well, I had a boyfriend, then I had a girlfriend… I think she kind of figured it out for herself," I shrug, and I give him a kiss. "Don't worry about it, your dad probably already knows."

"He doesn't."

"Because you're always in magazines, making out with women?" I ask, teasing him. He shoots me a dirty look, but I just smile at him, and put my arms around him, pulling him close. "Stop worrying. It'll be fine, I'm sure."

* * *

Sirius had asked me to stay in the kitchen while his dad arrived, so I am sitting at the kitchen table, while I hear him greeting his dad. I hadn't been nervous about meeting him, but right now, I'm starting to feel my heart beat faster.

"So dad, I asked you here for dinner tonight, because I actually wanted you to meet someone," Sirius says, and my heart starts beating even faster.

"Ah, I didn't think this day would ever come," his dad laughs, and I can't help but smile. "So this is serious, then?"

"Yeah, but… ehm, dad, I'm not…," Sirius stutters. "It's a man, actually. I'm gay."

"What's his name?" mister Black asks, and I can't help but smile. Because it's exactly what my mum had asked me when I told her I had a boyfriend. Sirius had been scared that his dad would get angry, or upset. And although I had been reassuring him that it would all be fine, I wasn't sure. Because I had never met the man, so for all I know, he is horrible. But he sounds like a nice man, and I am actually excited to meet him.

"His name is Remus… What?"

"Your face lit up just now," mister Black says, and I can feel my face getting flushed. "When will he get here? I would love to meet him."

"He is already here, he…"

"Where is he? Are you making him hide?" mister Black asks.

"In the kitchen, I just wanted to tell you, because I didn't know if you'd…"

"I've known for years, Sirius."

"Oh… right…"

"So let's go and see Remus, shall we?" mister Black laughs, and I try hard not to smile, as I get up, and brush a hair off my suit, trying to look my best for when I meet… my father in law? My boyfriend's dad? My partner's dad?

"Dad, this is Remus," Sirius says, when they enter the kitchen. I had seen photographs of the previous owner of the Black Tower Hotel, the person who had turned it into a chain, in the papers. But that had been years ago. He had always had a stern look on his face. He had seemed impressive, slightly scary. But this man, he is wearing a casual shirt, black jeans, and his long grey hair makes him look like an older version of Sirius.

"Remus, how wonderful to meet you," mister Black says, a warm smile on his face. Sirius' smile. He comes over and gives me a big hug. "I am Sirius' dad, Orion."

"It's nice to meet you, sir."

"Sir was my dad. I'm just Orion," the man laughs, and I can't help but smile. I notice Sirius looking at us, his nerves now gone. He seems more relaxed, more at ease. And as he catches my eye, he mouths an 'I love you'.

* * *

"Wait, what are you…?" I whisper, when Sirius comes up to me, while I'm working. It's another one of those weeks, where I absolutely despise my job. But hey, it makes a living.

"Shh," he whispers, as he brings his finger up to his lips, to make sure I keep quiet. He takes my hand in his, and leads me into the lift. He presses a code into the computer, where I usually enter the code to enter the apartment. A red light comes on, and a message pops up onto the screen. But before I can read it, Sirius has started kissing me.

"Wait, aren't people watching this?" I ask him, when he takes a step away from me, a smirk on his face, biting his lip. I point up at the camera, and he shakes his head. "They're not?"

"No. Do you think I'd be here if they were?" he laughs. I grab him by the shirt, and push him up against the door, but before I can kiss him, he turns his face away. He brings his hand up to his mouth, spits into it, and before I know it, his hand is in my pants, wrapped firmly around me. By now he knows what I like, and it doesn't take long before I can feel my legs giving out. He wraps an arm around me, holding me up, kissing my neck, while I try not to make a sound. But I am failing, and he looks up at me, a confident smile on his face.

"Fuck," I whisper, as I lean my head onto his shoulder, waiting a few seconds before I look up to face him again. He takes a handkerchief from his pocket, and wipes his hand clean, looking at me with a look of arrogance, which I know by now not to be actual arrogance at all.

"Ready to go back?" he asks me, but I shake my head, my heart still racing. "No?"

"Not yet." I flash him a smile, as I drop to my knees, and unzip his trousers. He is hard already, and as I take him into my mouth, I can feel him grabbing onto my hair. Moans are escaping from his mouth, and they still make me feel excited, proud. I am doing this to him. No one else. This is all me.

"Remus," he whispers, but I already know what he is trying to say. I have done this so many times, I can tell when his moans change, when he is about to orgasm. And as a final moan escapes from his mouth, I look up at him, his face flushed, his eyes closed, his head leaned back against the door.

I zip up his trousers for him, get up, and I put my hand on the side of his neck. I lick my lips, before giving him a long kiss. He pulls me closer, a hand on my lower back, and right now all I want to do is take him to the eleventh floor and have him fuck me. Long and hard. But I can't. Because I still have to work. Clean up other people's shit.

"I have to get back to work," he says, an apologetic look on his face, when I stop kissing him.

"Me too."

"I am so sorry, I… Do you want me to try and get you another job?" he asks me, but I just smile and shake my head. The work sucks, but I can't imagine doing anything else, without James by my side. We're in this together.

He gives me another kiss, before entering another code into the computer. The red light turns off, and the lift starts going downstairs. I look into the mirror, to make sure I look decent, while Sirius does the same. And as the doors open, a group of people are waiting, while a man explains to them that the lift isn't working.

"Ah, the issue seems to have been solved," Sirius says, flashing a warm smile. "After you, mister Lupin," he says, as he allows me to get out of the lift first. But what the hell do I do now? After that. Why am I even thinking about what I am going to do next? We all know what I'll be doing next. I'll be cleaning more rooms. More shit.

* * *

"Oh, honey, it's so good to see you again. It's been far too long!" my mum exclaims, when I enter the house. I had visited her a few times over the last months. But they had been short visits, and I know how much she misses me. I should have gone to see her more often, but things had been so busy, with Katherine leaving, with me moving in with Sirius…

"How are you? You look far too skinny. I bought a cake, here," she rattles on, as we make our way into the kitchen, where a warm pot of tea is on the table. "You still like chocolate, don't you?"

"I love it." I flash her a smile, as she gives me a big hug. I sit down, and pour us both a cup of tea, while she slices the cake. The biggest slice for me. Of course.

"Oh, honey… how are you?" she asks me, as she sits down. "Are you okay, being on your own? I know how upset you were, after Katherine…"

"I haven't been completely honest with you," I admit to her, and she raises an eyebrow.

"Is she back?"

"No, she definitely isn't," I quickly say. "But the reason things didn't work out between us, was… I cheated on her."

"Oh, Remus…"

"I'm not proud of it, trust me," I say, and she lets out a sigh. "But I love him, mum."

"Is it James?"

"James?" I laugh. "No, mum, it isn't James."

"Well, you never know…"

"Let me tell you, the minute I get feelings for James, you'll know I've lost my mind, yeah?" I laugh, and I stick out my hand. She takes it in hers, and flashes me a smile. "But I am in love, mum, and I have been, for the last year and a half. I've even moved in with him."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks me, looking hurt.

"Because he…," I begin, but then I look down at my tea, still holding her hand. "His name is Sirius."

"Sirius Black? Your boss?" she asks me, and I nod, looking back up at her. "Oh, honey… are you sure that this is right?"

"It is. I love him, mum, and he loves me. We're happy together. But we want to keep things quiet, or…"

"Because of the press," she interrupts me, and I nod. "Well, you still should have told me. I would have kept my mouth shut. You should know that."

"I do, I was just scared. I really love him, mum."

"And he's good to you? He treats you well?" she asks me, and I nod, not able to hide my smile. "Then I am happy for you, honey. But promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Don't hide things from me anymore. I'm your mum, and if you're happy, then I want to know. If things don't work out, I still want to know. Because I'll always be here for you, do you hear me?"

"Yeah."

"So promise me?"

"I promise."


	8. Chapter 8

**My Happy Endings**

* * *

"I'm sorry I'm home early, but…," I say as I walk into the apartment, but when I notice Sirius sitting in the corner of the room, his legs pulled up to his chest, I shut up and quickly go over to him, kneeling down. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"I'm so sorry," he says, but his voice sounds raw, as though he has been screaming for hours. The tears are streaming down his face, and I am trying to see where he is hurt. I'm trying to find the blood, but I can't find it.

"Do I need to call a doctor?" I ask, but he shakes his head. "What happened?"

"It's him," he sobs, but I shake my head, not understanding.

"Who?"

"Him," he sobs again, pointing at his laptop. I get up and go over to his laptop and open it. There is an article, about some actor… he… this is him…

"Oh my god…," is all I can say, as I close the laptop. Tears well up in my eyes, and I cover my mouth with my hands. "Sirius, I…"

"I did this," he says, his voice still raw.

"No, don't you dare. He did this, do you hear me?" I tell him, a tear rolling down my face. Because this… this is too much. Even after everything that has happened to me, after everything that has changed in my life since meeting Sirius, this… this is just too much.

"If I'd had gone to the police, then she…"

"Then maybe they wouldn't have believed you, Sirius. Or maybe he'd have been out by now, and he'd still have done this. He…"

"He killed her," he says, and he breaks down, the words simply being too much for him. The realisation of what that man, his ex-boyfriend, the one who had abused him, who had beaten him, who had raped him, has now done, to his girlfriend… This is just too much.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, as I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight. Because what can I say? What can I do? That man, he did it. There are witnesses. He killed her, in the middle of the street. The police shot him. Killed him. Sirius' ex-boyfriend. What do you say when that happens? There are no words to make that better. Are there?

* * *

It's been a few weeks, and I had taken time off to stay with Sirius. Now that most of the media have stopped reporting about the murder, things are finally calming down. No one has a clue that Sirius was the man's ex-boyfriend, except for Laila, who has come over nearly every day. At first, Sirius had simply refused to speak. It had taken him days to say another word. He had simply been processing everything. But in the end, we had spoken about it. He had managed to give it a place, he has stopped blaming himself. Or so he says. But I know he still feels guilty about the 'what-ifs'. He always will.

"Do they hurt?" he asks me, as we are still in bed, and he traces a scar on my chest. I shake my head, as he brings his fingers up to my face, to another scar. "You were supposed to be dead." The words hurt, but he is right. The fact that I had gotten out of the car accident alive, it was a miracle. Everyone had said so.

"I was."

"So was I," he says, and he looks me in the eyes. "He tried to strangle me."

"What?"

"Left me for dead."

"Sirius, I…"

"It was my way out. When I woke up, he had gone. So I got my things, and I got out of there," he says, and I put my hand on the side of his face. I feel tears stinging in my eyes, because the thought of him dying, being murdered… It's unbearable. "I should have left him sooner."

"You loved him."

"I did," he admits.

"It's okay to be upset about him. You loved him, and he died. No matter what he did…"

"He killed her," he snaps, my hand still on the side of his face.

"And still, it's okay to be upset. You're allowed to cry over his death. I understand," I say, because I do. Being here, all these weeks, it had given me time to think about it all. And thinking about it, it had given me a kind of peace.

"I hate myself for it," he whispers. "But I loved him."

"I know," I whisper, and I give him a kiss. "And you had every right to love him. To now mourn him. You have every right to have these feelings. I'm not judging you. I promise."

"Why not?" he asks me, staring at me with those dark, intense eyes.

"Because I love you."

"Don't."

"I do, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you, do you hear me?"

* * *

"Remus?"

"Mhm?" I mumble, still half-asleep.

"I've got something to show you."

"It's too early."

"Remus."

"Mhm?"

"Remus!" he snaps, and I open my eyes. He is sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing a dark crimson velvet suit, a black shirt… what the hell is going on? What time is it?

"What?"

"Get up," he laughs. "I've got something to show you."

"I don't want to. It's too early," I say, and I want to close my eyes again, because I am tired, and I am not a morning person.

"Oh, really?" I hear him laugh, as I close my eyes again, getting ready to go back to sleep. I can feel him underneath the covers, and I expect him to get in with me, but when I feel his mouth wrap around me, my eyes shoot right open.

"Fucking hell," I say, and by his movements, I can tell that he is trying not to laugh. "Sirius, I…," I try, but I let out a loud moan instead, because where the hell did that move come from? I close my eyes again, leaning my head back against the pillow.

"Is this enough to wake you up then?" I hear him ask, as a coldness comes over me. He has thrown the covers from off the bed, and I open my eyes, looking down at him. He has a smirk on his face, and I can tell that he is teasing.

"What? You're going to leave it, like this?" I laugh, and he shrugs.

"Maybe."

"Fuck off," I laugh, and within seconds, his mouth is wrapped around me again. But this time I don't close my eyes. I watch him do this to me, and it's enough to send me over the edge within seconds. He takes my hand in his, and pulls me up, so I am sitting next to him. He kisses me, and pulls me closer, his hand on the back of my neck. But then he stops kissing me, and he wipes his mouth, still smirking.

"Ready to see what I wanted to show you then?" he asks me, and I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, alright," I laugh, and he takes my hand in his, and leads me off the bed. And as I step onto the floor, I notice the rose petals, leading to outside, to the pool. We follow them, and when I see even more rose petals outside, I get a funny feeling in my stomach.

"So, Remus," Sirius says, his voice sounding nervous now.

"Yeah?" I ask, and I turn to face him.

"Close your eyes," he tells me, and of course I do as I am told. I expect to see a new cocktail when I open my eyes, or a new suit. Something like that. Maybe he will throw me in the pool, and this is a prank? I wouldn't put it past him.

"Sirius?" I ask.

"Just a second… okay, open your eyes," he says, and when I do, he is on one knee, in front of me, holding up a small red box.

"Wait, is this…" Here I am, having just woken up, I am butt-naked, outside in the open air, and here he is… it can't be. Can it?

"Remus Lupin… will you marry me?"

"Fuck," I blurt out, and he can't help but laugh.

"That too," he laughs.

"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you," I then say, and I get the biggest smile on my face. Is this even really happening? Did he just propose to me? He opens the box, and in it are two beautiful rings. He takes one out of it, and slides it onto my finger. I then take the other one out, and slide it onto his finger. So this is real. Right? Is this really happening?

"I love you so much," he whispers, as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"I love you too," I whisper back. "And I'm so sorry for ruining your proposal by not getting out of bed. I had no idea."

"Well, if anything, you made it a better story to tell people."

"Fuck off."

* * *

It's Remus' thirtieth birthday today, and his friends have organised a party for him. The press will be there, so I will hang around, but I will be the 'friend'. Just a random man at a party to celebrate Sirius Black, the celebrity.

"Thank you," Sirius says, when we are in the car, on our way to the party.

"What for?" I ask him, looking confused. I had only gotten him a framed art print of his favourite movie. What can you buy someone who has everything?

"For not leaving me, when… well, for not leaving me."

"Sirius, I love you. I'm not going to leave you because you're going through something. I've told you before, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me now."

"I hope so," he says, and I can see that he's still scared that I will leave him.

"You are. I promise," I say, as I hold out my pinkie. He hooks his pinkie in mine, and flashes a small smile. "I love you, do you hear me? And I am not going anywhere. I will keep telling you, until the day you believe me."

"Sorry, I…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I tell him, and I give him a kiss. "I love you, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Really?"

"Really."

* * *

"Speech! Speech! Speech!" the people are chanting, as Sirius makes his way onto the stage. The party had started over an hour ago, but the doors have only just closed now. So this is when it really starts, I suppose. Is that how these parties work? I have never been to a birthday party where every tenth guest is a photographer or journalist. Where there are actors, actresses, people I have never met before. People who aren't even Sirius' friends.

"Thank you," Sirius says, and he flashes a warm smile. "First of all, I want to thank you all for being here. Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me. I ehm… I had a speech planned, actually, but…," he says, and he sighs. "I was going to talk about the Black Tower Hotel, about the name, the brand. About how grateful I am to be running it, how… And I am, grateful. It means a lot, it does. But that is not the most important thing in my life. I met someone," he says, and I can feel my face getting flushed. Is he really doing this? I can hear the murmurs in the crowd, and I want to run away, not have them notice me. But my legs have turned to stone, and I am stuck where I am. "I met someone," Sirius repeats. "and we've been together for a long time. This man, he…." Gasps coming from the crowd. "supported me through the worst time of my life. He supported me, and he stuck by me. He made me believe in myself again. He made me believe that I was worth being loved. He made me feel it. Loved, I mean," he continues. "And I love him. More than I can put into words. I really do," he says, and the crowd starts applauding. The cameras are flashing, journalists taping his speech, making notes. Some filming his speech. "And I can't wait to marry him." More gasps coming from the crowd. "So, may I introduce to you, the man I love," he says, and although I can hear him say the words, I can't process them. The man he loves? Introduce him? Wait, me? He is introducing me? Me? I see Sirius look over to me, extending his hand. I now have to go over to him, take his hand, don't I? I take a deep breath, before making my way through the crowd, up onto the stage. He takes my hand into his, and I can feel it, but my ears are ringing so loud, that it takes me a second to realise that everyone is applauding.

"Are you okay?" he whispers in my ear, and I nod. But I am dizzy, and I'm not sure if my brain is fully processing what is happening right now. "I love you," he whispers, and I can't help but smile. What does it matter if my brain is processing it or not? Who cares about the press, the photographers, the journalists, the celebrities? Sirius is here, I love him, and he loves me. Isn't that all that matters? Well, I suppose it isn't. Not really. But for now, it is. Having him, and knowing that he loves me. That is all that matters to me.

"I love you too."


End file.
